This ain’t your average Mommy blog, y’all. Kinda like Martha Stewart with really bad PMS or Rachael Ray on quaaludes. Uncut, uncensored, irreverent, and most definitely offensive. Sometimes funny.

Section 1: Who the hell is the Three Ring Mom?

I’m Chelsie, full time neurotic and part time at home dictator. Simultaneously, I’m responsible for the continued care and existence of a  ridiculously busy toddler named Boo, as well as making sure that Mr. Chelsie Matthews (aka Red) wears clean underwear to work. Before this whole mommy thing, I worked as a children’s librarian and an administrative slave in a small rural library.

I enjoy reading, writing, cooking, crafting, Thai food, and vodka. I’m quirky and irrational. I’m afraid of changing light bulbs. I curse (a lot) but only in writing. I disdain tarted up, Beiber worshipping tweens and mascara that wasn’t waterproof. I’m not as funny in person as I think I am in my own head.

I don’t claim to be an expert on parenting issues–or anything, really–but I’m learning as I go. It’s a messy ride, but holy shit. Is it fun or what?

Section 2: Why Three Ring Mom?

Have you ever had one of those days? The type where you know you’ll never finish half the shit on your to-do list, your dog just threw up on the carpet, your kid drew all over himself in permanent marker, your husband needs to know where “you” moved his wallet (because of course he didn’t move it), and your boss needs the final draft of your presentation RIGHTTHISINSTANT?

Yeah. That’s pretty much how I feel every day. I’m constantly pulled in three separate directions–school, work, and family–and sometimes I feel like I’m one of those damn seals in an old-timey three ring circus. The one with the spinning plates balanced on the end of a long stick. As in, one false move and the whole shitter is coming down around its ears.

That one.

I’m that seal, and my life is kind of like those plates. I balance them as carefully as I can, but dear sweet infant Jesus, I’m a clumsy idiot who sometimes gets her toe caught on the hallway rug. I fall (a lot) but thankfully, I’ve got an awesome family to help me clean up my messes.